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Tony's a Winner, Scene 4: I Make Announcements Here

from Tony's a Winner, an opera in one act by The NWRA House Band

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lyrics

(Tannoy announcer enters.)
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: (I Make Announcements Here. The following is spoken.) Can the drivers of all vehicles parked outside the front of the terminal building, please remove them to the official car parking areas. Drivers are advised that wheel clamping is now in operation.
(Sung.) I make announcements here.
At first it was a bit scary, my voice on the Tannoy,
I didn’t like it, but now it’s just an everyday thing.
The late shift is from one until half ten.
I just get one break at seven o’clock,
a half an hour break, it’s not much really.
I man the phone switchboard and I’m on the helpdesk as well.
Sometimes it is stressful. I think my voice does change;
it comes out posh, on the Tannoy,
because my accent is broad Liverpool,
but on the Tannoy it doesn’t come out.
You’ve obviously got to be well spoken.
(Taxi driver enters.)
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: (The following is spoken.) Hiya
TAXI DRIVER: Hi. I’m meeting a passenger from Brussels, but I haven’t got his name.
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: The Brussels landed at 14.54.
TAXI DRIVER: Yes. Is there any chance of putting a call out for a guy going to north Wales, who needs transport there?
TANNOY ANNOUNCE: What’s your taxi firm?
TAXI DRIVER: Flint Taxis.
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: Flint Taxis.
(Sung.) Announcement. Can the passenger waiting
for the Flint Taxis representative
attend at the main information desk?
Can all drivers of the cars parked outside
the terminal please remove them to the
official car park. A further call for
those travelling on flight Ryanair F
R670 to Brussels; please go
now to departures. And those travelling
on EasyJet EZY653
to Belfast; please go now to departures.
(The following is spoken.) Public announcement: can the passenger awaiting the Flint Taxis representative, please attend at the information desk.
MIRROR REPORTER: (Sung in background, repeated.) Back at the airport, life is grand.
Back on the Tannoy, life is grand.
(Taxi driver leaves. Larry Grayson and Generation Game Contestant 2 enter.)
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: (The following is spoken.) On downtimes I always read a book. The last one I was reading, a Martina Cole one, was about a kid who was getting abused by his mum and dad, and I kept, like, filling up with tears, and the passengers were coming over and being, like, “Are you OK?” and I was going “Yeah, it’s just my book!” (Laughter.) So they must have been thinking, God, is she alright?! I like romance novels as well.

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from Tony's a Winner, an opera in one act, released October 12, 2020

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