|
1. |
|
|
|
|
2. |
|
|
|
|
(Prelude: Overture by band. Airport concourse.)
MIRROR REPORTER: (Sung by band member. Prelude: Mirror Song.) Here’s a story that
I reported,
I wrote for The Daily Mirror.
(Tony Hawes enters.)
Generation Game - the TV show.
It’s unknown star was Tony Hawes.
As the announcer, behind the scenes, of the conveyor belt prizes.
He announced all the sherry glasses, travel suitcases, cuddly toys.
(Larry Grayson and Isla St. Clair enter.)
Tony went on a trip to the States with Generation Game colleagues.
Larry Grayson and Isla St. Clair. There they all are on the concourse.
Airport workers now sing to them
On the Tannoy.
|
|
3. |
|
|
|
|
(Scene 1. Security officer enters.)
SECURITY OFFICER: (On the X-Ray Machine.) I do four twelve-hour shifts, four on and four off,
on one shift you get two breaks.
The airport security have a staff room,
but I generally eat in the restaurant.
We can look at the contents of bags on the x-ray machine.
Every twelve months we do refresher exams,
on what we do and what we’re looking for.
We can look at the contents of bags on the x-ray machine.
TONY HAWES: (The following is spoken.) Six-piece coffee set, four storage jars.
SECURITY OFFICER: (Sung.) We can look at the contents of bags on the x-ray machine.
(The following is spoken.) Obviously, you do get to see the contents of a person’s bag, but for obvious reasons I’m not going to go into the details. Whether it’s a set of skis, a kayak, it’s all screened. If we weren’t happy with something that was in a case then the passenger would be called, and we’d ask for the bag to be opened and the contents examined.
(Sung.) We can look at the contents of bags on the x-ray machine.
All the pictures that we look at are enhanced,
we can only watch for short periods.
We can look at the contents of bags on the x-ray machine.
We can look at the contents of bags, it all shows on the screen.
|
|
4. |
|
|
|
|
(All leave. Scene 2. US convention centre. Mirror Song Reprise. Security officer re-enters.)
SECURITY OFFICER: (The following is spoken in background.) A message can be more or less effective depending on the spokesperson phono-aesthetic, which has a considerable impact on how the message is processed by the audience and the influence it has on them. For this, some studies analyse the role of phono-aesthetic function on message effectiveness. This line of investigation and the framework of our study are based on models of response to advertising. Assertive language is more effective for hedonic than utilitarian products. Effective if message recipients themselves are prone to using intensive language. Effective if attitudes toward source are positive, backfires if negative Influences perceptions of source credibility and trustworthiness.
MIRROR REPORTER: Tony and Larry, Isla St. Clair,
all arrived in America.
(Tony Hawes, Larry Grayson and Isla St. Clair enter.)
All three together then went to a
Laurel and Hardy convention.
At the convention Tony’s life changed. There he met Stan Laurel’s daughter.
Her name was Lois, aged 51. Tony was 51 as well.
|
|
5. |
|
|
|
|
On the convention Tannoy mic
The airport baggage handler sings.
(Baggage handler enters.)
LARRY GRAYSON: (The following is spoken.) All the things you can remember in the next forty-five seconds are yours, and the forty-five seconds starts now.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: (Nine Forty-Two. Sung.) I’m a baggage handler at Liverpool John Lennon Airport.
I drive in from Netherley, it’s about twenty minutes drive.
I’ll have been here three years by this September coming up.
I think the lads had bets on me not even lasting two weeks.
Nine forty-two. Nine forty-two.
SECURITY OFFICER: We can only watch for short periods.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: Nine minutes and forty-two seconds is how long the belt takes
from when you check your bag in ‘till it comes right round to our trucks.
Some of the check in staff sometimes send bags through standing up,
then the bag can jam the belt. So, we call out the engineer.
Nine forty-two. Nine forty-two.
(Lois Laurel and Generation Game Contestant 1 enters.)
CONTESTANT 1: (The following is spoken.) Coffee set, bottles of wine, table lamp, chess set, storage jars, rocking chair, eider down, the camera, the teasmade, the kiddie’s horse, saucepans, coffee maker.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: (Sung.) We take stickers off the bags then put the sticker on a card.
Then put the bags on the truck. Only one handler does each flight.
Each truck carries forty bags. Lads come and drive them to the flight.
We work rotas four days on, two days off, with two early shifts.
Nine forty-two. Nine forty-two.
Nine forty-two, how long it takes.
SECURITY OFFICER: We can only watch for short periods.
|
|
6. |
|
|
|
|
(All leave. Scene 3. Wedding reception. Tony Hawes enters.)
MIRROR REPORTER: (Mirror Song Reprise 2.) Tony and Lois, both 51,
fell for each other right away.
(Tannoy announcer enters.)
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: I think my voice comes out a lot posher.
MIRROR REPORTER: Then a year later they planned to wed.
Tony Hawes told me this himself.
He proposed to her over the phone, half way through a long-distance call.
“A fine mess you’ve got yourself into.” Is what Lois replied to him.
Tony said, “I feel ten years younger.”
“Isn’t life grand?” I said to him.
The Daily Mirror ran this story on Tuesday the 17th day of March 1981.
|
|
7. |
|
|
|
|
Airport workers sang songs to the happy couple
At their wedding reception dance.
(Larry Grayson, Isla St. Clair, baggage handler and security officer enter.)
SECURITY OFFICER: (Ciggy Runs.) We’ve had pairs of handcuffs on the security x-ray, and a ball and chain.
It’s the hen parties or stag parties that fly to Amsterdam.
We had an honest a God ball and chain, not a plastic one.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: With Geneva we get loads of skis, we keep them separate.
They are all put through it.
SECURITY OFFICER: Through the scanner.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: Through the scanner.
SECURITY OFFICER: Through the scanner.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: Through the scanner.
SECURITY OFFICER: The x-ray machine.
There are knives and firearms disguised as other things;
a stiletto knife inside a pen.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: There’s musical instruments; there’s pianos and guitars, baby buggies too.
Flights for Dublin and The Isle of Man you will get dogs or cats.
They’re sedated, I will talk to them, but they don’t want to know.
SECURITY OFFICER: We have had a car tyre. Christmas trees. Deck chairs and parasols.
You get empty cases.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: Just for ciggies.
SECURITY OFFICER: Just for ciggies?
BAGGAGE HANDLER: Just for ciggies.
SECURITY OFFICER: Just for ciggies?
BAGGAGE HANDLER: For the ciggie runs.
On the Malaga flights, you get loads of golf clubs,
And designer brand ladies’ handbags.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: We’ll get bags with no tags on…
SECURITY OFFICER: …those go to security.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: They phone the airlines who then…
SECURITY OFFICER: …come down to re-label them.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: There are various levels…
SECURITY OFFICER: …that the case will be scanned on.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: The lads who load on the plane…
SECURITY OFFICER: …do the off loads now as well.
ISLA ST. CLAIR: And you have thirty seconds to do it, starting now.
BAGGAGE HANDLER/SECURITY OFFICER: (Both sing the following together.) Bags over twenty kilos
Are all then labelled ‘heavy’.
If a bag missed the last flight
it will have a rush tag on.
An hour and forty minutes
to get bags on every flight.
You are talking, on average,
one hundred and forty bags.
SECURITY OFFICER: (The following is spoken.) The fundamental voice frequency and its functionals have been shown to be an important characteristic in different studies. Therefore, we decide to evaluate its importance in speech likability classification by analysing the median (for robustness to the fundamental frequency estimator errors), the standard deviation, the mean of the first derivative and the standard deviation of the first derivative.
BAGGAGE HANDLER: (The following is spoken.) On Malaga flights you get loads and loads of golf clubs. Come the summer, people take all their own deck chairs. Parasols, buggies, you get loads and loads of them through the summer. You get cases that are going out with nothing in them, so we think they are doing ciggie runs or whatever.
|
|
8. |
|
|
|
|
(All leave. Scene 4. Airport concourse from Scene 1. Tony Hawes and Lois Laurel enter.)
TONY HAWES: (Mirror Song Reprise 3. The following is spoken.) And on Larry’s conveyor belt tonight, there’s a hostess food tray, a magazine rack, a pressure cooker, a cuddly owl, port and some stilton cheese, a car vacuum cleaner, a decanter and tray, an infra-red grill, two world wild-life pictures.
MIRROR REPORTER: (Sung.) This was the story of Tony Hawes.
He was the voice behind the scenes.
SECURITY OFFICER: (The following is spoken in background.) Scholarly attention has focused on the impact of credibility in the communication process, on the impact of a variety of variables on credibility, and on the nature of the credibility construct and its measurement. Indeed, the influence of source credibility on the communication process causes it to be seen as one of the most important factors worth considering, in addition to the typical features of effective communication such as syllable speed, inter-phrase pausation, depth of pitch, warmth, clarity of speech, animation, and liveliness, that is, voice qualities.
MIRROR REPORTER: (Sung.) The Daily Mirror printed the tale.
The writer was not credited.
Back at the airport, life is grand.
Back on the Tannoy.
|
|
9. |
|
|
|
|
(Tannoy announcer enters.)
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: (I Make Announcements Here. The following is spoken.) Can the drivers of all vehicles parked outside the front of the terminal building, please remove them to the official car parking areas. Drivers are advised that wheel clamping is now in operation.
(Sung.) I make announcements here.
At first it was a bit scary, my voice on the Tannoy,
I didn’t like it, but now it’s just an everyday thing.
The late shift is from one until half ten.
I just get one break at seven o’clock,
a half an hour break, it’s not much really.
I man the phone switchboard and I’m on the helpdesk as well.
Sometimes it is stressful. I think my voice does change;
it comes out posh, on the Tannoy,
because my accent is broad Liverpool,
but on the Tannoy it doesn’t come out.
You’ve obviously got to be well spoken.
(Taxi driver enters.)
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: (The following is spoken.) Hiya
TAXI DRIVER: Hi. I’m meeting a passenger from Brussels, but I haven’t got his name.
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: The Brussels landed at 14.54.
TAXI DRIVER: Yes. Is there any chance of putting a call out for a guy going to north Wales, who needs transport there?
TANNOY ANNOUNCE: What’s your taxi firm?
TAXI DRIVER: Flint Taxis.
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: Flint Taxis.
(Sung.) Announcement. Can the passenger waiting
for the Flint Taxis representative
attend at the main information desk?
Can all drivers of the cars parked outside
the terminal please remove them to the
official car park. A further call for
those travelling on flight Ryanair F
R670 to Brussels; please go
now to departures. And those travelling
on EasyJet EZY653
to Belfast; please go now to departures.
(The following is spoken.) Public announcement: can the passenger awaiting the Flint Taxis representative, please attend at the information desk.
MIRROR REPORTER: (Sung in background, repeated.) Back at the airport, life is grand.
Back on the Tannoy, life is grand.
(Taxi driver leaves. Larry Grayson and Generation Game Contestant 2 enter.)
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: (The following is spoken.) On downtimes I always read a book. The last one I was reading, a Martina Cole one, was about a kid who was getting abused by his mum and dad, and I kept, like, filling up with tears, and the passengers were coming over and being, like, “Are you OK?” and I was going “Yeah, it’s just my book!” (Laughter.) So they must have been thinking, God, is she alright?! I like romance novels as well.
|
|
10. |
|
|
|
|
(Finale.)
CONTESTANT 2/LARRY GRAYSON: Cuddly toy, TV game, teasmade, pottery breakfast set, the garage, food tray, vacuum cleaner, decanter and tray, two pictures, spice rack, the owl, cassette stereo, the thing to put newspapers in, newspaper rack, calculator, wine carafe, the thing for the car, thing for the car.
TANNOY ANNOUNCER: (Mirror Song Reprise 4. Sung.) Tony’s a winner, isn’t life grand?
Tony’s a winner. Life is grand.
(Full cast re-enter. All join in.)
Tony’s a winner, isn’t life grand?
Tony’s a winner. Life is grand.
Parasol, coffee set, TV game,
storage jars, pottery breakfast set.
Parasol, coffee set, TV game.
Isn’t life grand?
|
|
11. |
|
|
|
|
12. |
|
|
|
|
13. |
|
|
|
|
14. |
|
|
|
|
15. |
|
|
|
|
16. |
|
|
|
|
17. |
|
|
|
|
18. |
|
|
|
|
19. |
|
|
|
|
20. |
|
|
|
Owd Scrat presents the short lived Liverpool trio The NWRA House Band (who's shifting membership included Colin Cromer, Bobby Kewley, Paul Rafferty and Paul Rooney) and their most ambitious achievement, the musical theatre project Tony’s a Winner, which they toured with performers from The NWRA Theatre Society in 2003, and which was commissioned for Grizedale Arts’ ‘Roadshow’ project. The experimental lo-fi alt-rock-opera is inspired by a Daily Mirror story (discovered in the Laurel and Hardy Museum, Ulverston) about Laurel and Hardy superfan Tony Hawes, who was the voiceover announcer of 1970s British TV gameshow The Generation Game. He used to announce the prizes that appeared on a conveyor belt at the end of each show; whichever prizes the contestants could remember (usually fairly mundane consumer items), they got to keep. At a Laurel and Hardy convention in the United States, the article reports, Tony met and later married Stan Laurel’s daughter, Lois. This new digipak release combines fragmentary demos of the opera with Amanda Brown, Colin Cromer and Paul Rooney recorded in early 2003, with newly recorded vocals from Greg Milton, Vicky Holding and Jodie Mellor, and the CD version also includes a live version assembled from recordings of the 2003 tour.
Amid the opera's early Hollywood inspired set (beyond the budget of the 2003 performances), the action imagines Tony as a modern god-king whose gift to the mortal world is modest consumer goods – cuddly toys and table lamps – and who is exalted by airport worker acolytes. They celebrate his marriage to Lois, daughter of a comedy god of yore, a marriage which creates a new righteous light entertainment divine dynasty (with Larry Grayson as pontiff). The airport workers honour Tony’s apotheosis in an oblique fashion, however. The worker’s sing of their own everyday working lives – which, like Tony's, centre around conveyor belts and voice announcements – and it is these mundane affinities with Tony that seems to motivate their faith in the god-king. The refrain in the finale of the opera, "Tony's a winner, isn't life grand?" is sung with devotion, but is there also a hint of dry irony in those voices? Do the hallowed distractions of consumer objects and light entertainment have their limitations after all?
“…I highly recommend you listen to the whole thing as one, it’s very funny stuff and really great musically.” Johny Row (Right Time Wrong Speed Radio Show blog). #129, Nov. 2020.
“Abstract ’60s psych-rock bands like the Unites States of America reinvented contemporary rock music and The NWRA House Band brings this kind of a spellbinding songwriting to the stage.” Tracy Wilson (Turntable Report blog). 2/11/2020.
“Frankly that’s so good I should probably play you the whole thing. Tony’s a Winner, an opera in one act, another masterful release from the Owd Scrat label…” Mark Whitby (Dandelion Radio). Nov. 2020.
“The NWRA House Band are basically all the crowd that hang out on the Owd Scrat Records label, including Mr Rooney there…enjoy this…” Zaph Mann, In Memory of John Peel Show (KFFP Radio, Portland and podcast). 1/11/2020.
“…Tony’s a Winner by the NWRA House Band… and as you might imagine one of our good lads Paul Rooney is behind that…” Fenny, On the Wire (OTWRadio blog). 10/10/2020.
released October 12, 2020
℗ 2020 OWD SCRAT RECORDS © 2020 OWD SCRAT RECORDS
